Sep. 26th, 2009

iltaru: (lighthouse)
I feel a bit bad for not updating more (LJ or DW).

Today there has been a lot of talks (and the cuteness and angst that come with DMCs) with [info - personal] shanaqui, and absolutely no settling down to write, as I had intended, but that's okay - I recorded a couple of plot points for 'Passion', and thought of a couple more shortfics I could do, so that's okay.

Very, very strange things happened in my dream last night, including Extreme Sexual Tension with someone completely surprising and inappropriate (because of the capacity in which I met him). It was extremely strange. And there were weird intrigues and strange wars and it was kind of unsettling, but I can't remember much of it.

And a couple of my friends have been incomprehensibly difficult lately. I'm not sure whether I should tell them that they're driving me crazy, and how and why, or not. I feel like that would make me selfish, or a bad person somehow. (Piers tells me off for this, and tells me it's behavioural conditioning from bad times that I should ignore and try to get over.)

If I go below the surface, so many things are worrying me, but I refuse to acknowledge them. Or things would be upsetting and angering me, if I thought about them. Maybe I ought to, I don't know. I'm getting so cross with a couple of people lately, and I want them to leave me alone, and I feel so unfair asking that because I don't even think they realise why I'm fed up.

But I've been told to stop and examine every time I feel like I'm being selfish, and work out whether I am actually being selfish or whether it's just a point where someone would previously have told me that I'm being selfish in order to shut me up.

I'll ponder it some more, but not for too long, because I don't want to give myself frustrating dreams. Having said that, I've spent so much time on TVTropes today I'm probably destined for trope-soup dreams anyway.

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iltaru

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